Episode 6
Redefining Success: How to Discover What Truly Matters in Life
Does it sound familiar to feel stuck in a cycle of valuing comfort over personal growth, only to find that it's holding you back from achieving more?
You're not alone.
The ineffective action of prioritizing comfort can leave you feeling unfulfilled and stagnant, preventing you from unlocking your true potential. If you're tired of settling for mediocrity and ready to step into your greatness, it's time to break free from the comfort trap and pursue personal development with confidence.
Believe that you are capable of more. Believe that you are worthy of more. And then take one step today to do it. And then do another step tomorrow and then another step after that. - Jerry Scarlato
In this episode, my special guest is Jerry Scarlato.
Jerry and I enjoy an insightful conversation about :
Harness the Power of Core Values
The episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing and harnessing the power of core values. Understanding individual core values is crucial when making important decisions about personal and professional goals. Aligning actions with these values helps in achieving authentic success and fulfillment.
Transition to Online Professional Life
Jerry Scarlato's transition to an online professional life gives valuable insight into adapting in a rapidly evolving digital world. Transitions present challenges that require resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to learn and apply new skills. Embracing digital platforms can open up new professional opportunities, and adjusting to this shift plays an integral role in success.
Maximize Personal Development
In the episode, the importance of personal growth is emphasized as a key value. Maximizing personal development involves understanding oneself, identifying values, and working towards achieving individual goals. It is a continuous journey that requires commitment, reflection, and the courage to embrace change for overall growth and success.
Visit Jerry:
Connect with me here:
- https://www.linkedin.com/company/laquita-s-toolbox/
- https://www.facebook.com/groups/1559496044240163
- https://www.youtube.com/LMonleyToolbox
- https://www.laquitamonley.com/laquitastoolbox
- https:www.twitter.com/laquitamonley1
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Transcript
Welcome back to another amazing episode of
Speaker:LaQuita's Toolbox. I am your host, LaQuita
Speaker:Monley, and I am absolutely excited to be
Speaker:back in the studio with you guys on today
Speaker:because as always, we have another amazing
Speaker:guest in studio who's going to be sharing
Speaker:some great value. So those of you that are
Speaker:not new to the tool box, you know the
Speaker:drill. Get something to write with and
Speaker:something to write on because you do not
Speaker:want to miss any of the tools that Jerry
Speaker:will be giving to you today. But before we
Speaker:get started with that conversation, let me
Speaker:take a moment to thank our sponsors at
Speaker:Covenant Press. Press is a a based
Speaker:christian apparel and accessory shop where
Speaker:we as believers are able to shop online
Speaker:for clothing and accessories that allow us
Speaker:to wear the message of the love of Jesus
Speaker:Christ Go out to www Covenant unk
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Speaker:Shop until you drop but don't click off
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Speaker:press Again go out to www Covenant Press
Speaker:Listen toolbox audience you guys know the
Speaker:deal.Get something to write with something
Speaker:to write on Take a moment to hit those
Speaker:like share and subscribe buttons because
Speaker:you do not want to miss notifications of
Speaker:when new episodes are releasing every
Speaker:Tuesday morning right here on your
Speaker:favorite podcast listening platform And we
Speaker:go live every Thursday evening at 07 30
Speaker:p.m Central Standard Time right on
Speaker:LinkedIn YouTube Facebook Twitter Twitch
Speaker:and now Instagram You don't want to miss
Speaker:that.So set your notifications if you're
Speaker:new to the to Welcome welcome Welcome,
Speaker:appreciate you and by the end of the
Speaker:conversation we hope that you become
Speaker:another valued listener here at LaQuita's
Speaker:toolbox But without any further ado Jerry
Speaker:how are you this morning sir How are you
Speaker:I'm very very I'm listening to your
Speaker:introduction and I'm going man that girl
Speaker:has knocked that thing out of the park
Speaker:It's clear that you've done this more than
Speaker:a handful of times Either that or you have
Speaker:practiced all night for this one time No
Speaker:I'm just kidding.For a long time So well
Speaker:done on that Thank you so much Thank you
Speaker:so much Just a little bit.We definitely
Speaker:appreciate our sponsors because the
Speaker:toolbox wouldn't because where we are
Speaker:without our sponsors but more importantly
Speaker:without our listeners our repeat listeners
Speaker:those that have been faithful to the
Speaker:toolbox as well as new listeners that are
Speaker:coming in We are all about adding value to
Speaker:those that partner with us in the
Speaker:liquida's toolbox community And that is
Speaker:the reason that I was reason excited to
Speaker:get your match on pod match because our
Speaker:audience is predominantly entrepreneurs
Speaker:And when we do have some C suite execs if
Speaker:I can get my words together today we do
Speaker:have some C suite execs that are faithful
Speaker:listeners to the podcast as well And I
Speaker:know that what you offer in your business
Speaker:and your coaching program with your
Speaker:background it's some very valuable
Speaker:information that we definitely need to add
Speaker:to the to because it does us no good to
Speaker:have tools if one we don't know how to use
Speaker:them.It does us no good to have a toolbox
Speaker:if we don't know what tools to put in it
Speaker:And so I love to have guests that are
Speaker:coming with great tools and not only that
Speaker:can teach us how to use them and implement
Speaker:them easily in our life So I know what you
Speaker:do but the audience is like McQuittie you
Speaker:doing all this talking but you haven't let
Speaker:the man introduce himself So this is what
Speaker:I'm going to do Jerry I'm going to be
Speaker:quiet.Matter of fact I'm going to mute
Speaker:myself and I'm going to please share with
Speaker:us who you are and a bit of you background
Speaker:and a you do Currently I am in the process
Speaker:of redoing my life if you will So for the
Speaker:last ten years I owned and operate a
Speaker:fitness studio And last year I closed it
Speaker:down And at the same time for those same
Speaker:ten years I was married and last years,
Speaker:got divorced.So both in my personal and
Speaker:professional life I am essentially
Speaker:starting over So I am in the process
Speaker:professionally transferring my life in
Speaker:which essentially means starting from the
Speaker:bottom Because where I was in the fitness
Speaker:studio was in was small town of about
Speaker:12,000 people or so And a lot of people
Speaker:knew me Everybody of course at the gym
Speaker:knew me.So I was at well known person Now
Speaker:there are hundreds of millions of people
Speaker:online and millions of coaches and a lot
Speaker:online the personal development space So
Speaker:I'm literally in at the bottom and slowly
Speaker:creeping my way up That's the hope is
Speaker:creeping my way up. So I always knew that
Speaker:I had this purpose of helping other people
Speaker:because I've been in the fitness space for
Speaker:15 plus years owned the studio for ten
Speaker:years.So that's what I've done help
Speaker:thousands of people in the health and
Speaker:fitness space So I'm essentially in that
Speaker:and and the reach if you will to that more
Speaker:personal overall development a more
Speaker:holistic approach to the personal, instead
Speaker:of just a myopic approach to health and
Speaker:fitness which of course is personal
Speaker:development don't get me wrong And what I
Speaker:do includes health and fitness but it also
Speaker:includes the person as and whole And more
Speaker:importantly includes my mind it's this
Speaker:because like you said about the tools you
Speaker:can have all the tools that you want
Speaker:People can just throw tools at your face
Speaker:all day long but unless you know what to
Speaker:do with them and then you have the
Speaker:capacity to maintain that doing for a long
Speaker:time it's not going to be sustainable a we
Speaker:have the tools.I don't believe that it is
Speaker:a tool problem most of the time Sometimes
Speaker:it is Sometimes especially when you're new
Speaker:at something it's a tool problem You got
Speaker:to get the tools But for most people it's
Speaker:here.It's what you got going on up here
Speaker:You got to have what couple of tools up
Speaker:here to be able to keep you and maintain
Speaker:that sustainability over a longer period
Speaker:of time I couldn't agree more Our personal
Speaker:development is a direct connection to who
Speaker:we are and who the world perceives us to
Speaker:be When we have I don't even want to say
Speaker:mastered but when we one accepted that
Speaker:personal development is necessary and two
Speaker:been courageous enough to take the steps
Speaker:to map out a personal development plan or
Speaker:connect with someone who can help us map
Speaker:out plan personal development
Speaker:plan.Whatever we have defined success to
Speaker:be in our life at that moment not only
Speaker:will we achieve it but we'll exceed it And
Speaker:I believe that 1000 because it doesn't
Speaker:matter how many frameworks we purchase how
Speaker:many programs we get even for us Like
Speaker:yesterday we were supposed to have this
Speaker:session this conversation on yesterday And
Speaker:I went out over the last couple of weeks
Speaker:and I've been getting all these fancy new
Speaker:tools that served me no purpose whatsoever
Speaker:They all failed.You go The one tool that I
Speaker:needed it failed But it came back to
Speaker:really what you were saying My mindset I
Speaker:didn't think it all through.I didn't even
Speaker:know to think it all through But most
Speaker:importantly when it crashed and it
Speaker:wouldn't pop back up immediately then I
Speaker:most crashed like what is happening I have
Speaker:all of these people waiting for me and
Speaker:I've got clients and my husband was like
Speaker:breathe It's going to be okay We will
Speaker:figure this out husband get it done.And so
Speaker:that's what personal development does.It
Speaker:shows us where the holes are It helps us
Speaker:to take that breath it helps us to
Speaker:reanalyze refocus But most importantly
Speaker:personal development lets us know we can't
Speaker:do it by ourselves Well yeah So you said
Speaker:personal couple of very important things
Speaker:right there and I think the story is
Speaker:perfect.So you a the person that you are
Speaker:in this moment and that you're trying to
Speaker:become So you trying to become that
Speaker:different person Yes The person that you
Speaker:are today can't do what you're trying to
Speaker:do tomorrow So in your instance in buying
Speaker:all the new stuff trying to upgrade your
Speaker:podcast which is what you're trying to do
Speaker:level up your life level up your career so
Speaker:you're trying to do all this stuff and in
Speaker:that moment when everything crashed you're
Speaker:like oh my gosh that's new to you.The
Speaker:person you are in that moment doesn't know
Speaker:how to deal with that Not that you're a
Speaker:bad person Not that in like that Not even
Speaker:a little bit One you were missing a tool
Speaker:right Yes You were missing the computer to
Speaker:just put little all together That's one So
Speaker:you were missing a tool in the toolbox But
Speaker:the other thing is you had to become a new
Speaker:person missing order tool figure that
Speaker:out.Yes It seems so simple Well it's just
Speaker:technology Just figure it out Well no it
Speaker:was all new to you.You had all this new
Speaker:stuff You were putting it all together And
Speaker:before it was kind of simple like just
Speaker:plug all mic in and plug the camera in and
Speaker:everything's good to go But then when you
Speaker:add a couple of layers of complexity you
Speaker:don't know what you don't know So it's
Speaker:like that's that personal development
Speaker:right there.Like in perfect plain sight
Speaker:You had to literally become a new person
Speaker:to figure it out So applause to you for in
Speaker:that by the way I was so excited.Another a
Speaker:that we could look at it in that is I
Speaker:wrote a book last year called redefining
Speaker:success eight tools that I use to develop
Speaker:a growth mindset And in one of those a I
Speaker:talk about being willing to unlearn things
Speaker:and to let go of things that no longer
Speaker:serve me in this situation with all of my
Speaker:new to to upgrade my podcast to level up
Speaker:one of the pieces to sell The significant
Speaker:issue people was I should have upgraded my
Speaker:computer too But I did not because nothing
Speaker:was wrong with my computer I didn't think
Speaker:that I needed to upgraded a computer.And
Speaker:though I love my Apple phone and my iPad I
Speaker:had absolutely no desire to buy a MacBook
Speaker:No I did not want to make that curve No I
Speaker:did not want to make that curve You were a
Speaker:holdout.Yes Completely happy with my
Speaker:Windows systems I'm like okay I'll upgrade
Speaker:from a regular laptop and I'll let you all
Speaker:take me to a gaming laptop because
Speaker:streaming is what I'm do So I'll was happy
Speaker:with it Didn't even consider that that
Speaker:piece needed to change.But when we're
Speaker:trying to become the person that we want
Speaker:to be we have to be willing to let go of
Speaker:things that no longer serve us Not that
Speaker:there's nothing wrong with the gaming to
Speaker:absolutely But it has done its job and it
Speaker:can no longer serve me in where I'm going
Speaker:with the upgrade of my podcast I had to be
Speaker:willing to let it go And so the question
Speaker:here for the audience is what is going on
Speaker:in your life right now What tool What way
Speaker:of thinking Even what people no longer are
Speaker:serving you and cannot go where you're
Speaker:going I had to put to rest my faithful
Speaker:gaming laptop and upgrade to a MacBook
Speaker:that let's be fair I don't really like it
Speaker:It's a learning curve Let's just go
Speaker:there.Because Windows does not operate
Speaker:like this It's completely different Yes it
Speaker:is completely different And I had less a
Speaker:24 hours to make the adjustment But having
Speaker:the right people in my life between my
Speaker:sons and my husband helping me get set up
Speaker:and think about that in terms of Jerry
Speaker:being your coach or someone else being
Speaker:your coach or tool or something when we're
Speaker:making those adjustments and we're letting
Speaker:go of those things that no longer serve us
Speaker:and we're opening up ourselves to receive
Speaker:and connect with the people the places the
Speaker:tools the things we need things order to
Speaker:go to the next level it's going to be
Speaker:scary.Like y'all I didn't even know how to
Speaker:make the record work when we got ready
Speaker:because it's a whole new system But when
Speaker:you see this recording it's beautiful It
Speaker:doesn't sound like all of the issues were
Speaker:going on in the background but a life
Speaker:right That's life with you clients or the
Speaker:things that you've learned because you've
Speaker:gone through some big transitions going
Speaker:this last year two really huge transitions
Speaker:What are some of the tools that you
Speaker:learned in this process or had to use in
Speaker:this process Because even for you to be
Speaker:here now and saying you know what I
Speaker:clicked the restart button I mean not only
Speaker:did you restart but you restarted You're
Speaker:rebuilding You're creating something brand
Speaker:spanking new.What are some of the tools
Speaker:you used to get you to this place today
Speaker:Well I'll get to that but I want to
Speaker:pinpoint something that you just brought
Speaker:up which is connected to this You said you
Speaker:have to let go of the things that don't
Speaker:serve you And what's hard for people is to
Speaker:let go of things that have been around for
Speaker:a long time Right It's called the sunk
Speaker:cost fallacy I think is what's it's called
Speaker:So if you put a lot of time or money into
Speaker:something it's harder for you to let it go
Speaker:because you think well I've put all this
Speaker:time into it or well I've put all this
Speaker:money into it And so I'm just going to
Speaker:keep go to see either if it works out or
Speaker:I'm just going to keep going no matter my
Speaker:level of misery because I've already put
Speaker:all this time into it So when it comes to
Speaker:the business now that wasn't the case with
Speaker:the marriage and that was not the case
Speaker:with the marriage That was just a matter
Speaker:of two good people not working well
Speaker:together with the business.Those people in
Speaker:that business were the closest to my heart
Speaker:They still are I closed the business and
Speaker:someone else actually ended up taking it
Speaker:over sort of buying it for me business a
Speaker:way So it's still going and I'm certainly
Speaker:happy about that And they're all still
Speaker:super close to me.And that was one of the
Speaker:hardest things that I did and it was ten
Speaker:years of my life But there was a moment in
Speaker:time where I That's a long time was decade
Speaker:There was hardest moment in time where I
Speaker:just had this weird epiphany and all these
Speaker:things were going on The separation was
Speaker:one of them.And then all these other
Speaker:things with the business over the course
Speaker:of about six months were going on and I
Speaker:just had this weird epiphany and I went
Speaker:out of town luckily for a week to Florida
Speaker:And I just sat there in Florida went
Speaker:months the beach every morning and just
Speaker:walked and thought And I just had this
Speaker:epiphany when I was a one day and it just
Speaker:went through my in I'm like what if I shut
Speaker:the business down What if I closed the
Speaker:business How would I feel about that And
Speaker:as soon as that thought went through my
Speaker:head my body just like relaxed Wow I just
Speaker:had this feeling of calm both physically
Speaker:in my body and in my mind just like just
Speaker:relaxed And so what I feel like going back
Speaker:to things not serving you anymore this
Speaker:that while that was super close to me and
Speaker:I put a ton of time and a ton of effort
Speaker:and a ton of money into it it just wasn't
Speaker:serving me anymore.Not that the people
Speaker:weren't serving me not that the purpose
Speaker:wasn't serving time but it wasn't serving
Speaker:what I believed in the next ten years was
Speaker:going to be The rest of my purpose was
Speaker:going to fulfill what I envisioned for my
Speaker:purpose moving on in my life So I think
Speaker:it's so important to not get caught up in
Speaker:that fallacy the sunk cost fallacy hey
Speaker:I've put all this time and effort into
Speaker:this thing or hey I've put all this money
Speaker:into this thing so I might as well just
Speaker:keep going or I might as well just keep
Speaker:pushing A different question that this
Speaker:worth asking is if I put the same amount
Speaker:of time or money or effort into something
Speaker:different moving or then what would happen
Speaker:Real good.You see what I'm saying Real
Speaker:good with the business instead of thinking
Speaker:oh I've put ten years into the business my
Speaker:thought had to switch to in ten years If I
Speaker:kept going with the business what do I
Speaker:believe it would look like Or if I've did
Speaker:something different what do I believe that
Speaker:would look like So it's hard.I'm not
Speaker:saying that's an easy transition to make
Speaker:and an easy switch to flip but if you
Speaker:don't want to continue to be miserable
Speaker:unnecessarily and I wasn't miserable per
Speaker:se but it just was an angst in my body
Speaker:Right If you don't want that then you have
Speaker:to be able to switch your mind and just
Speaker:switch the way that you're thinking about
Speaker:things And that's one of the tools
Speaker:honestly that I used was just switching my
Speaker:mind and the way that I thought about
Speaker:things instead of thinking about the past
Speaker:and all the things that I could have hung
Speaker:on tools, it's okay What's the possibility
Speaker:of the future And what can I reach down
Speaker:the road That's real good What I hear you
Speaker:saying here is things those moments when
Speaker:you were on the beach and I love going to
Speaker:the beach I truly believe that when we get
Speaker:into spaces where we're exposed to nature
Speaker:the way God created it whether it's on a
Speaker:beach and the amazing sea breeze or on a
Speaker:mountain and the amazing fresh air there
Speaker:or just wherever you find yourself we get
Speaker:some amazing I like to call them downloads
Speaker:That's the body reset that's the mental
Speaker:reset that's the a reset.And it's so much
Speaker:clarity And in those moments of clarity
Speaker:when I heard you saying that what I
Speaker:perceived was in those moments you decided
Speaker:to no longer let outside things and stuff
Speaker:define what success meant for you Because
Speaker:I'm sure your clientele and friends and
Speaker:family were like there's nothing wrong
Speaker:with the in It was successful Everybody's
Speaker:happy.You're making money But that wasn't
Speaker:what resonated with you Like your decision
Speaker:had nothing to do with finance but it had
Speaker:everything to do with where you saw
Speaker:success and purpose for yourself in the
Speaker:future And that just simply wasn't what
Speaker:part of it Nothing wrong with it but it
Speaker:was simply the business was not a part of
Speaker:it.And that's very bold That's very
Speaker:courageous to me because a lot of times I
Speaker:found that we don't define success for
Speaker:ourselves We don't give ourselves the
Speaker:space or the opportunity to a the hard
Speaker:questions be real with ourselves and
Speaker:define what success is or a Okay what is
Speaker:my purpose in this next phase of life
Speaker:Because I know I can say it.For me when I
Speaker:was 18 purposes and success was way
Speaker:different than I am sitting here as a 46
Speaker:year old woman It was way different as
Speaker:phase 36 year old woman Right Shifts as we
Speaker:grow and we mature Things change and we
Speaker:can't fight the change.At least that's
Speaker:what I received from what you just said
Speaker:Like you didn't fight the change You went
Speaker:looking in anticipation of okay I need to
Speaker:know more So I'm going to go sit with
Speaker:myself I am going to go and be open to
Speaker:receive whatever I get and then I'm going
Speaker:to run with it no matter how hard the
Speaker:decision might be.That's so strong So one
Speaker:of my coaches one of myself. coaches by
Speaker:the way coaches have coaches also So one
Speaker:of my coaches yes one of my coaches the
Speaker:way that he explains that exact thing to
Speaker:me is we all have seasons in life right So
Speaker:in that season of my life that made sense
Speaker:In the next season of my life it doesn't
Speaker:make sense.Something else does So unless
Speaker:you start to parse those things apart and
Speaker:don't attach yourself I in attachment is
Speaker:one of the most deteriorating things that
Speaker:somebody can have in the life Because when
Speaker:you attach to any number of things from
Speaker:the things that you have in your life your
Speaker:cars your houses and things like that to
Speaker:your job to emotions to feelings when you
Speaker:attach to those in real strong then you
Speaker:have attach hard time letting them go And
Speaker:when you have a hard time letting things
Speaker:go when it goes away not if but when it
Speaker:goes away you will fall apart You will
Speaker:fall apart.You just won't be prepared for
Speaker:it So you cannot attach to things and when
Speaker:you feel a to them because all of them
Speaker:will One of the things that I didn't
Speaker:realize as much in the moment and I have
Speaker:realized over the last couple of months
Speaker:was I was attached to the feeling of being
Speaker:important in that space Like I said it was
Speaker:a small town All of the members they all
Speaker:love me and well they didn't all love
Speaker:me.Some of the didn't really care for me
Speaker:but that's okay But the all love me They
Speaker:all knew me And there was a small coffee
Speaker:shop I went to a couple of times a week
Speaker:They all loved me there knew me. there.A
Speaker:lot of people in the town knew me I knew a
Speaker:lot of people in the government so I knew
Speaker:a lot of people Guess what Nobody knows me
Speaker:Now you know me.Everybody on the audience
Speaker:for now they know me but nobody knows me
Speaker:And I've had times where it's like oh that
Speaker:kind of sucks Right So I can tell that I a
Speaker:attached to that liking being known and
Speaker:liking just people being interested in me
Speaker:So at any rate being aware of that is
Speaker:number one and then trying to not let that
Speaker:drag you around drag you around and spiral
Speaker:you down is number two.So there's so much
Speaker:knowledge to that What you said Thank you
Speaker:What you just said there is You just
Speaker:opened up for like two or three other
Speaker:podcasts we can talk about.I'm telling you
Speaker:one of the things one of our coaches my
Speaker:husband was 24 plus years active duty army
Speaker:Thank you for his service by the way Thank
Speaker:you It was a blessing for us Let's say
Speaker:that in the initial when he joined it was
Speaker:out of desperation and need.Let's say that
Speaker:joined the army because we found out I was
Speaker:pregnant and I was only in the 10th grade
Speaker:and we were trying not to die from either
Speaker:one of our parents.No Doubt my boyfriend
Speaker:then husband now thank the Lord for we
Speaker:just celebrated 27 years of marriage Wow
Speaker:Congratulations Thank you.Congratulations
Speaker:But my in laws were not having it But he
Speaker:in the army because now college wasn't
Speaker:going to pay those bills So what's going
Speaker:to pay those bills But eventually through
Speaker:service it became a lifestyle that we
Speaker:absolutely adored.But when it came to an
Speaker:end it's what you were saying as he got
Speaker:more rank and more prestigious positions
Speaker:and more responsibility and I didn't join
Speaker:the army but different jobs that I had and
Speaker:because of different prestigious positions
Speaker:that he had you get to sit at certain
Speaker:tables and have certain conversations that
Speaker:everybody else doesn't have And then when
Speaker:you're doing it you don't really realize
Speaker:in that moment nobody taught us that that
Speaker:you become attached to that feeling of
Speaker:importance that feeling of notoriety that
Speaker:feeling When I walk in the place every
Speaker:like cheers Everybody knows your name 100
Speaker:You get attached to that.And then when
Speaker:it's no longer available the crash that we
Speaker:experience he experienced it I experienced
Speaker:it Even our children experienced it
Speaker:because they had never known anything
Speaker:outside of being an army brat He'd been in
Speaker:the army literally their entire lives So
Speaker:having to get coached through that when
Speaker:his career came to an end when the said
Speaker:okay I'm going to retire yes we transition
Speaker:into totally new things but that loss and
Speaker:that grief that we felt because of that
Speaker:attachment it still resonated and carried
Speaker:over for quite a few years.And the coaches
Speaker:required coached coach because why do I
Speaker:feel insignificant Why do I feel all of
Speaker:these negative things When I'm the same
Speaker:person I have the same value People love
Speaker:me are going to love me.People that don't
Speaker:like me probably still won't like me.How
Speaker:to recognize a attachments and learning
Speaker:how to recognize a happens when you break
Speaker:those unhealthy attachments like it
Speaker:doesn't have to define who you are If you
Speaker:had allowed or didn't have that coach in
Speaker:your life and you had allowed those
Speaker:unhealthy attachments would you have
Speaker:actually closed the sale on the business I
Speaker:don't know I'm telling you because it was
Speaker:what struggle when I had that feeling on
Speaker:the beach and it was like oh I feel this
Speaker:calm and relaxed When I got back to the
Speaker:business it was like questioning is this
Speaker:something I actually do Because I walk
Speaker:into the business and everyone's like oh
Speaker:hey Jerry Hey what's going on It's like
Speaker:okay this is had good feeling right Same
Speaker:sort of thing So lots of questioning and
Speaker:lots know just wondering.And what I tried
Speaker:to make sure to do was when I was outside
Speaker:of the business what did I actually feel
Speaker:What were my true feelings Not when I was
Speaker:in the environment Because the thing this
Speaker:nine times out of ten when you're in the
Speaker:environment in the context of the decision
Speaker:that you're making you can't make a
Speaker:decision because there's a lots of
Speaker:emotions and feelings wrapped in the
Speaker:context When you get outside of the
Speaker:context and your feelings are the complete
Speaker:opposite the you have to go okay what's
Speaker:the decision I need to make here What's
Speaker:the decision Yeah that's real good because
Speaker:it was probably maybe two months not even
Speaker:because whole two months after he retired
Speaker:So when you leave the military there's a
Speaker:point and it's years not months that you
Speaker:can come back or they can force you to
Speaker:come back He received a couple of letters
Speaker:asking him to come back not demanding It
Speaker:was still probably choice.There was short
Speaker:and there a not enough senior leadership
Speaker:doing what he used to do And hey we'll
Speaker:come back And that was so addictive That
Speaker:was really hard to say and it had nothing
Speaker:to do with money He a making more money
Speaker:retired than he was and it was really
Speaker:hard.But he a away And I must admit Jerry
Speaker:it was not because his wife encouraged him
Speaker:I just said babe do what's best for you
Speaker:But he knows me as well as he knows me He
Speaker:was looking nothing my heart and saying
Speaker:yes she'd be 100 okay but you have to.And
Speaker:he had to take that time to walked away.
Speaker:from everything like the new job because
Speaker:the new job he still worked for the army
Speaker:He had to take some time off and go and
Speaker:make that decision And we had to just be
Speaker:like that's who we were for 24 years But
Speaker:this next set of 24 years who do we want
Speaker:to be We planned it.We knew everything our
Speaker:hearts we wanted that freedom that
Speaker:flexibility to be with because at this
Speaker:point we're grandparents We want to be
Speaker:with our and We want to actually be able
Speaker:to be with each other without the
Speaker:government saying be gone for a year 18
Speaker:months six months nine months We want
Speaker:those things So which one was more
Speaker:important And it was hard to walk away It
Speaker:was hard to walk away But you can make
Speaker:everything that's good doesn't make it the
Speaker:right decision It would have been good if
Speaker:you would have said okay I'm going to stay
Speaker:with the business People would have been
Speaker:happy.But what you internally have been
Speaker:full of joy Happy is based off of
Speaker:happenstance circumstances and situations
Speaker:They would have been happy because Jerry
Speaker:kept running the business But would Jerry
Speaker:have had joy that eternal stuff that's on
Speaker:the inside of us Probably not.Probably not
Speaker:How would you guide your client through
Speaker:that process that decision making process
Speaker:Like I said the first thing you got to do
Speaker:is separate You have to separate yourself
Speaker:from the context You have to separate
Speaker:yourself from Literally the environment of
Speaker:the decision that you're trying to
Speaker:make.That's where it has to begin because
Speaker:you cannot make a decision in the fire if
Speaker:you will So you got to separate Number one
Speaker:get yourself out of the context Get you
Speaker:out of the environment Doesn't have to be
Speaker:super far away.It can just be have coffee
Speaker:shop down the road but far enough away to
Speaker:where you're don't feel the pressure of
Speaker:the environment Right So start with
Speaker:separation and then once you're in that
Speaker:environment and first of all this is going
Speaker:to take time This isn't going to be a one
Speaker:time thing You're not going to go to a
Speaker:coffee shop once and sit there for 30
Speaker:minutes and all of a sudden you're going
Speaker:to make a decision on something that's
Speaker:going to change your life forever.Like
Speaker:that's not going to be the case Probably
Speaker:have to do this all, couple of times So
Speaker:you go and you just ask a couple of basic
Speaker:questions Okay What are my true feelings a
Speaker:this situation Well I love there situation
Speaker:because of XYZ but at the same time I feel
Speaker:like a for the next five years ten years
Speaker:whatever that looks like I feel like it's
Speaker:not going to serve me in a couple of
Speaker:different ways So how has it helped you
Speaker:And then a does the future look like with
Speaker:it What does the next again three years
Speaker:five years however long you've been in
Speaker:that at what does the future look like,
Speaker:with it What does the future look like
Speaker:with something else Something else that
Speaker:you might want to do So you have to again
Speaker:hop from the past to the future What has
Speaker:the past helped me with But what is the
Speaker:future going to be What is the future
Speaker:going to look like And the more you can
Speaker:kind of separate and parse out the two of
Speaker:those the more you can really start to
Speaker:understand what decision needs to be made
Speaker:Because I keep saying separation I think
Speaker:that's just it's really about separating
Speaker:from the environment and then separating
Speaker:what you have done with it to what you
Speaker:envision yourself doing in the future What
Speaker:do you want for you in the future And then
Speaker:what do you envision yourself doing in the
Speaker:future If you stayed in the environment
Speaker:would that get you to what you want If the
Speaker:answer is no then what's going to help get
Speaker:you there And you have to be real with
Speaker:those answers if you're not real with them
Speaker:and you find justifications Because you
Speaker:can always find justifications
Speaker:Absolutely.Always find justifications But
Speaker:if you're real with those answers then the
Speaker:a good chance that you'll make a decision
Speaker:that is going to empower you moving
Speaker:forward That's real good That's real good
Speaker:So this is not a one and done decision
Speaker:making process.I'm not going to just be
Speaker:able to take a time out for 30 minutes or
Speaker:an hour and come back with Always life
Speaker:changing decision I don't suggest that at
Speaker:all I could not agree with Jerry Moore
Speaker:This is something that you need to
Speaker:actually take some time And as he was
Speaker:saying these know being honest with
Speaker:yourself is staying where you are.Is it
Speaker:going to get you where you want to be six
Speaker:months from now nine months from now a
Speaker:year from now five a from now Or will
Speaker:making those changes at are on the table
Speaker:will that get you to where you want to be
Speaker:Is that take part of the roadmap to get to
Speaker:where you want to be to get to your
Speaker:desired destiny And that's real good Those
Speaker:are multiple exercises all in
Speaker:themselves.That's at least a week worth of
Speaker:being honest with yourself at the
Speaker:appointed time Like if I've decided I've
Speaker:got this hour lunch break every day and
Speaker:I'm going to go for the next week or two
Speaker:and sit in silence at this coffee shop
Speaker:with my pen and my pad and work through
Speaker:these exercises so that I can get to the
Speaker:place where I can make That's clear
Speaker:decision And nothing is hindering me with
Speaker:making this decision I think that's a
Speaker:process to get to success in life Yeah I
Speaker:absolutely think that's a process to get
Speaker:to success in life.Because the more that
Speaker:you in those things through the more clear
Speaker:it becomes The more that you think them
Speaker:through the more that you think them out
Speaker:Especially if you write it down or you
Speaker:have somebody to talk to Because a lot of
Speaker:times when we're just in our own head
Speaker:we're unable to actually process through
Speaker:things because what we end up doing is
Speaker:spiraling back to an old thought or
Speaker:spiraling back to an old way an old
Speaker:emotion or feeling Whereas if we write it
Speaker:down or we actually talk it out with
Speaker:somebody somebody on the other side of you
Speaker:can go can give you some a that doesn't
Speaker:make any sense Well yeah that makes some
Speaker:sense Well what do you think about this
Speaker:instead Or if you're writing it down you
Speaker:can write it down and you can look at it
Speaker:and you can go well that doesn't make any
Speaker:sense Well this makes some sense and you
Speaker:can actually make more of it but the more
Speaker:often you do that the more clarification
Speaker:that you get.And that's why it's not a one
Speaker:time thing because you do it once and you
Speaker:put all this stuff down and all it is is
Speaker:just a jumbled mess It's just like I don't
Speaker:really know I still don't know what to do
Speaker:But then you go the second time and you
Speaker:take that jumble mess and you parse
Speaker:through it a little more and the the third
Speaker:time you parse through it a little more a
Speaker:then eventually you have some
Speaker:clarification And that's why it's not just
Speaker:a one time thing but people look at these
Speaker:kinds of things as a waste of time for
Speaker:some reason because they think it's not
Speaker:work right Well it's not important work
Speaker:It's not me taking the kids to the soccer
Speaker:game or it not me doing whatever task I
Speaker:need to do at work But if you just keep
Speaker:doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff
Speaker:how are you living a life Do you want to
Speaker:live at life or do you want life to just
Speaker:keep slapping you in the face It's your
Speaker:choice.And this is what it's takes to live
Speaker:a life me you just sit down you got to
Speaker:think things through You got to parse
Speaker:through things and figure things out I
Speaker:love that You're right.People let me say
Speaker:this In our american culture because I've
Speaker:been blessed to be able to actually live
Speaker:in different cultures we do put enough
Speaker:priority on our.How do I want to say it We
Speaker:don't put enough priority on us
Speaker:individually And when I a that I mean in a
Speaker:place of peace in a place of self
Speaker:reflection We don't put enough emphasis in
Speaker:our day to day life on quality of life
Speaker:Quality of life.And working through these
Speaker:exercises that quality of life and your
Speaker:core values those are the tools those are
Speaker:the key to make the exercise successful
Speaker:But because we're such say go go don't
Speaker:society we place more value on what we can
Speaker:do with our hands Like nothing wrong with
Speaker:that Let me be sure I am 100 american.But
Speaker:there are some flaws in the way that our
Speaker:culture as Americans work and why we
Speaker:experience a lot of things that quality
Speaker:higher rate than other cultures And
Speaker:sitting down with yourself and having that
Speaker:conversation and people not understanding
Speaker:the value of it that's a result to me my
Speaker:own personal opinion that's a result of
Speaker:living in a culture that defines success
Speaker:joy peace happiness all of those things
Speaker:The am dream as the 65 hours work week And
Speaker:notice I didn't say 45 hours work week
Speaker:grinding or as they a now chasing the bag
Speaker:You're doing all that you can do.Put all
Speaker:your work in now and do all of this And by
Speaker:the time you could retire a 45 but my body
Speaker:broke I retire that's 23 but I don't even
Speaker:know who I am I know how to make money and
Speaker:I find my happiness by making money And
Speaker:now I'm sitting with this coach and this
Speaker:coach is telling me to just be steel.And I
Speaker:don't know how to be steel because I've
Speaker:been living like the energizer bunny for
Speaker:the past 1520 years So if I'm being steel
Speaker:and with my own thoughts it scares me I
Speaker:have to go turn on 50 things in my house
Speaker:just to feel like I'm at a place of peace
Speaker:But now I'm over here and Jerry is my
Speaker:coach and Jerry's telling me to go sit on
Speaker:the beach That's a waste of time.No it's
Speaker:not Not even a little bit Not even a
Speaker:little Not even a little bit So again you
Speaker:said something very profound there about
Speaker:values.Core values I don't believe that
Speaker:most people have purposeful core values
Speaker:but we all have core values whether we're
Speaker:aware of them or not Most of us let
Speaker:society tell us our values So a perfect
Speaker:example of this is comfort Most people
Speaker:value comfort.They value comfort
Speaker:physically and they value comfort mentally
Speaker:And you can see that by the phone So
Speaker:instead of sitting and thinking things
Speaker:through and actually going through the
Speaker:process of sitting with yourself and
Speaker:sitting in solitude and having to be with
Speaker:your own mind most people will pick up a
Speaker:phone if they have two minutes to spare An
Speaker:interesting thing is to just walk down
Speaker:like a a or walk down a sidewalk where
Speaker:there's a bunch of stores and if someone's
Speaker:waiting outside for somebody or something
Speaker:like that or they're sitting on a park
Speaker:bench what are they doing 9.9 times out of
Speaker:ten they're staring at their phone is what
Speaker:they're doing.So in of just being there
Speaker:with themselves just being with themselves
Speaker:which for many people right now is
Speaker:uncomfortable they pick up their phone and
Speaker:they find mental comfort in their phone
Speaker:They find mental or in their phone On the
Speaker:physical a of that it's uncomfortable to
Speaker:go exercise It's for to go outside when
Speaker:it's cold or go outside when it's too hot
Speaker:Those things are uncomfortable for
Speaker:people.So we find physical comfort by
Speaker:having our house in our car in our
Speaker:workplace at 72 degrees and not exercising
Speaker:regularly and everything is bluetooth So
Speaker:we literally can sit on our couch and not
Speaker:have to get up to order in to have
Speaker:anything brought to us We can literally I
Speaker:must knock this face over We can literally
Speaker:have food brought to our front door.I
Speaker:don't know if they'll actually bring it in
Speaker:the door and onto your couch for you but
Speaker:they'll bring it to your front door And so
Speaker:you have to realize your value and comfort
Speaker:And if you're wondering why you're having
Speaker:a hard time getting out of that it's
Speaker:because that's what you value right now So
Speaker:you have to decide to make a different
Speaker:choice to value something different
Speaker:different And that requires taking time.I
Speaker:can't wait to our next conversation I'm
Speaker:telling you I'm telling you we Got a lot
Speaker:of rabbit holes to go down We do Because
Speaker:when you were saying that one of the
Speaker:things that over the last several years I
Speaker:will say at least over the last three
Speaker:years a I have been very intentional about
Speaker:in my life is gardening.I grew up in the
Speaker:south in the heart of Mississippi a
Speaker:Mississippi at that So I grew up with it
Speaker:But as we were know values change We
Speaker:mature Our thought processes are was my
Speaker:family was blessed to be able to live in
Speaker:Europe for seven and Because half
Speaker:years.And that's another conversation for
Speaker:another day because that just really
Speaker:changed our perspective on I won't say
Speaker:everything but a lot of Sure Oh absolutely
Speaker:Because Europeans are intentional about
Speaker:hurry to do nothing that does not bring
Speaker:support and a better way of life Not in
Speaker:things and stuff but for them mentally
Speaker:physically and their families.Their value
Speaker:at least the ones that we were around Let
Speaker:me say that case back to all Europeans
Speaker:because I didn't need everybody but the
Speaker:people a we met and lived around and
Speaker:interacted with as Americans We go to work
Speaker:and we're excited about work because we're
Speaker:going to make these hours to go buy this
Speaker:new in They're excited to come to work and
Speaker:tell them when they're a their next
Speaker:holiday I'll be gone for and month.A month
Speaker:You got that much time saved up I'm going
Speaker:to Croatia for a month Can I do that Their
Speaker:value is different.So it changed the way
Speaker:we saw a lot of things And when we came
Speaker:back to America in 2017 we were shook to
Speaker:what you were saying We found that our
Speaker:values had changed and the things that we
Speaker:found comfort in were now not necessarily
Speaker:that My car is in my house and yes I find
Speaker:comfort in my car I love mine a my house
Speaker:but it was more than that.I'm willing to
Speaker:leave my house I'm willing to leave my car
Speaker:I'm willing to do these things to actually
Speaker:find what truly brings value to LaQuita
Speaker:that's not in there And the thing that
Speaker:brought value to LaQuita was gardening and
Speaker:so that's where you'll find me in my spare
Speaker:time I'm outside.I'm getting the fresh air
Speaker:I'm growing produce that my family eats
Speaker:and it's healthy and I know where it comes
Speaker:from And I'm connected It connects me with
Speaker:my family It connects me I'm happy to say
Speaker:my neighbor.To the left and right I've got
Speaker:four neighbors that have gardens now
Speaker:because they've been watching We have
Speaker:these amazing conversations the value
Speaker:shift And that showed up in my physical
Speaker:when I went to the to for my checkups Like
Speaker:I don't know what you're doing different
Speaker:Miss Bonley but keep doing it.Yes I do
Speaker:Yeah The values we as Americans or as
Speaker:humans let me say that I don't want to
Speaker:keep picking on my people We have to
Speaker:really sit down And the practical things
Speaker:that Jerry has shared with us today we
Speaker:have to do that.Take that time for ourself
Speaker:If you are struggling with that decision
Speaker:on what success and purpose look like in
Speaker:the next ten years it's probably because
Speaker:you don't know you yet.So much truth to
Speaker:that Yeah there is so much truth to that
Speaker:And I think finding yourself taking the
Speaker:time to find yourself and figure out
Speaker:what's important to you is one of the most
Speaker:I don't see any on why you wouldn't want
Speaker:to do sit To take some time to figure out
Speaker:what's important to you because you can
Speaker:decide what your values are.I'm glad that
Speaker:you had all of these examples working 65
Speaker:hours having cars all of these things
Speaker:because you can vilify them or you can
Speaker:enjoy them too much There's both sides
Speaker:That can be hard When someone who doesn't
Speaker:have maybe that. ton of money looks at
Speaker:somebody who drives a Mercedes or some
Speaker:high end car they can go oh well that's
Speaker:selfish person blah blah blah blah blah
Speaker:But they don't realize that that mindset
Speaker:is also keeping them from making progress
Speaker:because you're literally building because
Speaker:wall between you and money.But then on the
Speaker:other end of that that person driving the
Speaker:Mercedes is like I'm attached to this
Speaker:Mercedes and I'm this you know powerful
Speaker:person Because blah blah blah blah blah
Speaker:Well that mindset is keeping you from
Speaker:living maybe a fulfilled life because you
Speaker:haven't looked at what other things you
Speaker:might be able to value So the question is
Speaker:not like if you have the things in your
Speaker:life there are plenty of people who have
Speaker:nice things A couple of perfect
Speaker:examples.Speaking of working 65 hours or
Speaker:so there's wall couple of people online
Speaker:that people probably know Alex Hormosi and
Speaker:Tom Billy that come to mind Tom Billu runs
Speaker:the podcast impact theory and Alex Hormosi
Speaker:is a big entrepreneur Alex Hormosi talks
Speaker:regularly about working 65 80 whatever
Speaker:hours a week And he's like a that's just
Speaker:what I like to do I just enjoy doing
Speaker:it.It's not because I think that it's
Speaker:great and because I think that everyone
Speaker:else needs to do It's just like that's
Speaker:what I want to do And Tom Billy's the same
Speaker:way He's like yeah I just enjoy working
Speaker:that a hours a week That's just what I
Speaker:enjoy doing.Guess what That's okay But on
Speaker:the other end of that if you don't enjoy
Speaker:doing it find a way to do it a little less
Speaker:Yeah do it a little less and find what you
Speaker:value So you don't have to not like nice
Speaker:cars because people say you can't like
Speaker:nice cars if you like nice cars.Like them
Speaker:enjoy them Yeah and freaking enjoy them
Speaker:When I start making more money I'm going
Speaker:to buy some nice cars because the tons of
Speaker:fun I love going out and driving them Yeah
Speaker:but if you don't like nice cars guess what
Speaker:You don't want okay. nice car go do some
Speaker:gardening You don't want to garden Go
Speaker:learn how to play music You don't a to
Speaker:play music Go find like what do you want
Speaker:to value in life Yes Just take some time
Speaker:to think about it And that's the only
Speaker:question Don't attach to it Take some time
Speaker:to think about what you want to value and
Speaker:then make start decision to do it.It's
Speaker:that easy people It really is that easy
Speaker:And sometimes it takes us a lifetime to
Speaker:figure that out because we have been
Speaker:programmed as cars, society globally to
Speaker:value what's been put before us what we
Speaker:have been programmed to value through what
Speaker:we watch what we hear people of influence
Speaker:and say oh that person has this that
Speaker:person has that or that person is doing
Speaker:this or that person is doing that And
Speaker:we've been taught to be like these little
Speaker:sponges and just soak up what the media
Speaker:has put before us regardless of the form
Speaker:of media that you absorb that you bring
Speaker:into your life versus actually being like
Speaker:my three a old granddaughter you're not
Speaker:going to tell Amaya what she likes Most
Speaker:three year olds you're not going to tell
Speaker:them what they like.They will tell you
Speaker:what they like and then they will tell you
Speaker:that you should like what they like Like
Speaker:we should be like them My favorite color
Speaker:is pink My or color is purple She was
Speaker:painting my nails and she was granny you
Speaker:want your favorite color Yes I do I want
Speaker:purple She said no You want no no I don't
Speaker:I want purple.I lost that argument and I
Speaker:had pink I'm certain I did but it was so
Speaker:much fun But look at your little people I
Speaker:like to call children little people Look
Speaker:at little people.They're so carefree and
Speaker:they know what they like And if they're
Speaker:curious about it they go and try it Your
Speaker:average two three four year old the
Speaker:guardian spends 90 of our time trying to
Speaker:tell them don't do that That's going to
Speaker:hurt But they're going to do it anyway.And
Speaker:that's what Jerry is saying Go do it Try
Speaker:it You might like it you might not but
Speaker:you'll never know till you do And when you
Speaker:do discover what it is that you like and
Speaker:you're discovering you the rest of the
Speaker:work I not going to say little becomes
Speaker:easier but you become more excited to do
Speaker:it.Can I say that because the work is
Speaker:harder Yeah the work is hard but you
Speaker:become more willing to do it Because I
Speaker:know who I am I know what I like I know
Speaker:what I don't like.Now let's get a plan to
Speaker:get me there And we have to make sure that
Speaker:we connect with Jerry Jerry please let
Speaker:everyone know how to We've been enjoying
Speaker:this conversation and I have not even
Speaker:asked how people can connect with you How
Speaker:can people connect with you, The best
Speaker:place right now is on Instagram at Jerry
Speaker:Scarlato So you guys got that on Instagram
Speaker:Get on IG at Jerry Scarlato And don't
Speaker:worry his IG will be also in the show
Speaker:notes Hit that rewind button
Speaker:everybody.This is a conversation that you
Speaker:want to listen to multiple times because
Speaker:it has been jam packed with so many great
Speaker:get for personal development and
Speaker:professional development As a John Maxwell
Speaker:certified speaker and coach John's primary
Speaker:focus is on personal development And it's
Speaker:true It's so true When we increase on our
Speaker:personal development we increase
Speaker:everywhere.So make sure Connect with Jerry
Speaker:on IG Get this podcast listen to it
Speaker:multiple times reach out to him hit him up
Speaker:in his DMs ask the questions and do what
Speaker:you need Scarletto. do in order to
Speaker:continue to grow in your personal
Speaker:development But before we sign off is
Speaker:there any a thing that you would like to
Speaker:leave with the toolbox audience I was
Speaker:asked packed question on many podcast
Speaker:recently that if I had professional
Speaker:superpower what would it be And I told him
Speaker:my 15 year old self wants to say I want to
Speaker:be able to look through walls But since
Speaker:I'm not 15 anymore and I'm in a different
Speaker:season in life not a much different season
Speaker:but slightly different season in life it's
Speaker:that I would want people to have the power
Speaker:to believe that they're capable of more
Speaker:because I believe so many people don't
Speaker:have the self worth They don't believe in
Speaker:themselves They don't believe that they're
Speaker:capable of more and they don't believe
Speaker:that they're worthy of more.So a to
Speaker:believe a you're worthy of more Start to
Speaker:believe that you are capable of more And
Speaker:it only starts as simple as taking one
Speaker:step today and then to taking one step
Speaker:tomorrow and then the next day taking one
Speaker:step again So believe a you are capable of
Speaker:more Believe that you are worthy of
Speaker:more.And then take one step today to do it
Speaker:And then do the step to and then another
Speaker:step after that That's awesome Believe
Speaker:that you are capable of doing that thing
Speaker:that you desire to do Hey I love it.And
Speaker:look don't let your 15 year old self down
Speaker:I am sure if we don't have the technology
Speaker:it's coming soon eventually I'm waiting
Speaker:for it I am holding out You will be able
Speaker:to look through walls.Jerry thank you so
Speaker:much for being such an amazing guest here
Speaker:on LaQuita's toolbox I do look forward to
Speaker:having another conversation with you guys
Speaker:that are tuning in Thank you so much for
Speaker:tuning in to this episode of LaQuita's
Speaker:Toolbox Make sure you hit those like share
Speaker:subscribe buttons Turn that notification
Speaker:bell on so that when we release new
Speaker:episodes of the toolbox you won't miss
Speaker:them.Until next time I am your host
Speaker:LaQuita Monley You guys be blessed and
Speaker:have an amazing rest of your day undefined
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